"I AM WHATEVER YOU SAY I AM, IF I WASN'T THEN WHY WOULD I SAY I AM?" -EMINEM

Sigmund Freud said that “anger is sadness turned outward.” I agree. Almost every time I have ever felt anger, I’ve been the at the saddest points of my life. That’s why anger is before sadness in the five stages of grief. Because it takes time to recognize and allow yourself to feel what you’re actually feeling, which is sadness. I’m not typically an angry person. I am, however, an irritated person, as you’ll see by my extremely dry, sarcastic, self-deprecating humor.. but please don’t confuse the two. Anger can be dangerous, but not if you know that it really is just sadness. Because here’s what I’ve learned. You’re not allowed to feel sad or happy in this world. If you’re happy you’re dramatic and if you’re sad you’re pathetic. Anger is the only emotion truly accepted by this stupid ass society and the only one that gets people’s attention. We wonder why there are so many shootings. This may be an unpopular opinion, but please tell me that if people were truly allowed to feel sad and weren’t stigmatized, there would be mass shootings. Burn me at the stake for saying that, I don’t care.

Here’s another unpopular opinion, these past couple months that I’ve been super pissed off have also been the most productive and happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve been back in the gym and lost 20 pounds. I’ve applied and been accepted to teach ESL to children in Madrid, Spain. I have ended friendships that needed ending. I have rekindled friendships that I never stopped believing in. I have become more financially responsible. I have embraced change and been more present. I have slept better, eaten better, laughed harder, and loved deeper. I’ve had the best sex of my life and become more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been. And lastly, most importantly, I have learned and accepted that what I want to do and how I want to live my life is no one’s god damn business. The more I love and accept myself, the more people hate me and all that means is that I’m not surrounding myself with the right people. My real friends know who they are and they don’t need a shout out to know I love them.

So, basically, ever since I’ve felt this anger, I’ve been at my happiest. But, it’s true, I’m angry. People anger me. People and decisions, hate and politics. Lies and cheating. Racism and sexism. Opinions and ignorance. Egos and arrogance. People suck and I am dying to find a society that doesn’t live this way. Here’s one thing I know, and you don’t have to be intelligent to understand this. If everyone in this country has a completely aggressive and extreme opinion about things and has no ability to open their mind to new ideas, nothing will be accomplished. This is true for you hard rights and you hard lefts. I’m not trying to get political but I like to think about these things and then relate them to my own life. I also do not believe that that’s the only thing that needs to happen to accomplish things, I’m not that simple minded. But, it would be a start. Me, I see the gray in everything.

I am also a firm believer in happy mediums. I think the happy medium is the answer to true happiness and peace. And when you are able to find the happy medium, there is a balance that cannot be denied and a sense of calmness that comes with it. I like to live my life in a happy medium society. It’s a lonely society filled with very strange people, who have very strange opinions, and I think a lot of them probably don’t shave.. but, it is how I feel. Some may think that living in a world of happy mediums is just giving into other people’s ideas and I should stay firm in my beliefs. If you don’t think that I’m the most opinionated person you’ve ever met, you really don’t know me yet. I am able to have a very strong opinion, but see and understand that not everything is black and white. Not everything is perfect or right or wrong. I am also not always right. My opinions are not always intelligent and it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I can admit when I am wrong. But, I am. All the time. There is gray to every situation and knowing when to step into the gray and be open to new possibilities and new ideas, is something that takes a lot of work and time, but is so fulfilling when you arrive at that point.

Black and white thinking is one of the many things that ended my marriage. I do not believe that the way my ex-husband lives his life is wrong. I believe that most people live their lives exactly as he does. But, it didn’t work for me. His thinking was extreme. It was either right or wrong. Good or bad. Yes or no. There was never room for movement or discussion or compromise. It made me angry. And it all comes full circle. I said earlier, anger can be dangerous unless you’re aware that it’s really sadness you’re feeling. Sadness and depression causes us to become less productive, see ourselves in a negative light, think we aren’t good enough, that we could never do better, and that we don’t deserve better. Happiness causes us to feel satisfied, even if we aren’t. Happiness doesn’t drive us to make ourselves better because happiness is contentment, stagnant, simplicity, standard. But anger.. anger can be used productively if used correctly. My anger helped me to leave a broken, unhappy marriage. My anger helped me to find myself. My anger doesn’t give a fuck. My anger is writing this book. My anger is following her dreams. Anger, my friends, is the only emotion that is real and the only emotion that drives us to make things happen. Just use it wisely. You never have to run over people to make your life better. You never have to hurt people to get where you want to go. Your success does not make you better than anyone else. Be angry, but be kind, and never ever ever give a fuck about what people think about you.

**Challenge: next time you see someone that is angry, wait for them to wear themselves out and get to that vulnerable moment when they have exhausted their anger, and then give them a hug. They may fight you at first, let them. Hold on tight, watch their sadness rise, and then allow it to happen. Don’t laugh or ridicule. Don’t get weird and anxious. Just allow them to feel sad, tell them it’s okay to feel sad, and watch their entire demeanor change. Watch the way they speak, walk, live, and communicate change. Watch them become better than they were yesterday. And watch them pass on that acceptance of sadness. Not one person can change the world, but changing the world starts with one person.