"THE BEST PEOPLE IN LIFE ARE FREE." -TAYLOR SWIFT

Over the past two weeks, I have learned that I have a benign (more than likely) tumor on my left ovary and endometriosis. This is the knowledge of the doctors as far as my scans show, but my reproductive system has been called "a mess" and they really don't know exactly what is going on in there. What the doctors do know is that I need surgery. And because I was between jobs and was only at my new job for 6 weeks, I do not have health insurance. Of course, one cannot predict these things happening and in hindsight, I should have kept one job long enough to maintain my insurance until the other kicked in. But, hindsight is a bitch. I can't be angry about something that I have no control over now. I am just trying to take one day at a time. While I did want to explain why I have been MIA from my blog, that's not what I want to talk about today.

I have great friends. And I am a firm believer in quality over quantity. I am quick to remove people from my life but not after multiple attempts to repair whatever is broken. I am a hard person to love. I could be gone in an instant. Constantly looking for my next adventure and leaving pieces of myself everywhere I go. I go years without seeing my friends to wake up and find that everything is the same. This is who I am and it is not wrong. But, the people who have stuck with me over all these years amaze me. The people who have stayed around in my life have actually, truly accepted me. They have to if they want to be in my life but they don't have to at all.

I have seen true friendship over the past two weeks and I am overwhelmed. Most of my friends have been around for a very long time. 26 years. 26 years. 18 years. Multiple friends of mine have stuck with me nearly my entire life and I consider myself very lucky. None of my friends have been around every moment of every day and there have been falling outs and arguments. There have been years of not speaking and being unsure if I'll ever see them again. But, that's not what matters. What matters is that they are here now. And when they heard what was happening with my health, they all sprung into action. Put their lives on hold, spent time listening, supporting, and loving me. Their first reactions were, "what do you need?" or "what can I do?"

When I tell people who don't know my mother, about our arduous relationship, they typically say things like, "but, that's your mom though.. you have to love your mom.. she's your mom." And I'm here to put that thought process to rest. But first, for the record, I love my mom. The woman who raised me is quite simply the most amazing woman I've ever known. I respect the woman who raised me very much. I am proud to call her my mom. My mom is a warrior. Independent, wise, bad-ass, strong, hard-working, brilliant, and humble. The woman my mother has become, is not the woman who raised me. But, this blog post is not about bitching about my mother. So, moving on.

I do not believe that just because someone is your blood, they are your family. I do not believe that just because she is my "mother," I have to have her in my life. I have known more and felt more family through my friends than I ever have through my actual family. The people who don't have to love me have loved me harder, helped me more, and judged me less than my family ever has. When I told my friends what was happening with my health, they sprung into action faster than I thought possible. Sitting at work, just going about my day like everything is normal, one of my very best friends calls me and gives me a run down of what was going to happen.

"Okay, here's what we are going to do. I'm driving back from Tulsa right now. I've got to stop by the house, but then we are on our way to come pack you up and move you up to Oklahoma." Wait. What? My friend had spent two whole days thinking and processing all the things that I couldn't even bring myself to start thinking about. Facts: I needed surgery, I needed it as soon as possible, and I was going to be out of work, after the surgery, for at least a month. I did not qualify for much at my new job, seeing as I was there for only 6 weeks. The most I qualified for was them holding my job for two weeks and then terminating employment, but with eligibility for re-hire. So, essentially, I would lose my job anyway and I didn't have insurance through that job. So, there was no reason to stay. Also, I lived alone in Dallas and while I had several friends, they all have very busy lives and I don't speak to my family. So, my friend didn't want me to be alone in this process and especially during my 4-6 week recovery from surgery. Which all made sense. So, I'm in Oklahoma now.

Please stop thinking that just because your family is your blood, that means that they are your family. There are a lot of incredible families out there. I have seen families that would do absolutely anything for their children or parents or siblings. But, just because your family is like that, does not mean that all families are. Please do not judge people who do not speak to their families. I promise, that decision was not made lightly. It took me nearly 13 years to finally stop speaking to my family. All the while knowing that they were toxic. I could not imagine not having a relationship with my mother, no matter how awful I felt when I was around her. It would bring me to tears thinking about it. But I had to just accept that they did not accept me for who I was. That who I had been trying to be was all for them and that it made me unhappy. It is not their fault that for years I was trying to be something I wasn't. But it is their fault, that after truly falling in love with the woman I've become and being okay with not living by societies rules of what is good or "normal" (hate that word) or right, they did not accept me.

What I have found is that family is not necessarily your blood. Anyone who loves you for exactly who you are, is your family. Anyone who respects you and the way you live your life, even if it's not the way they live theirs, is your family. People who stop everything they're doing to rush to your side when you are going through a hard time, are your family. People who don't give you ultimatums or make you feel like a burden to them, are your family. I have found family in people who are not my blood and I am here to tell you that if you feel stuck in a situation, know that you are not.

You do not have to like everyone. You do not have to subject yourself to hurt. No matter how long someone has been in your life, you can leave. You can walk away from anything, at any time. You are not stuck. You have a choice. Ironically, some of the best advice I have ever received, was from my mom. I was in an extremely abusive marriage when I was 24. I was about to get out of that relationship and she said to me, "be prepared to leave with nothing." And again, ironically, that's just what I did. I left the relationship with my family, with nothing. I do not NEED anyone. I am one of the strongest, most independent, most resilient people I know and I will survive and can survive without people who have very little respect for me. And so can you.

I want to thank the people in my life who answer the phone when I call, text me back, check in on me, and make me feel so special. You all know who you are. You have all asked me what you can do for me. And what you can do for me is continue to be exactly who you are and never apologize for it. You can love your babies, your family, and your friends fiercely. You can love yourself unapologetically. And you can bring me ice cream.. :)

Taylor Swift said it best, "The best people in life are free.."